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You know that feeling, right?

You're in a meeting. Or reading an email. And something happens—someone challenges your work, questions your judgment, or drops something on you that feels completely unfair.

And immediately, your body reacts.

Your heart starts racing. Your chest tightens. Maybe your breathing gets shallow. Your shoulders creep up toward your ears without you even realizing it.

You're not imagining it. And you're definitely not alone.

Here's What's Actually Happening

Let me explain something that changed how I deal with conflict at work.

Your nervous system doesn't know the difference between a physical threat and a professional one.

Think about that for a second.

When someone questions your credibility in front of others, when a client pushes back aggressively, when you get blamed for something that wasn't your fault—your brain registers that the same way it would register actual danger.

So what does it do?

It prepares you to fight or run.

Stress hormones flood your system. Adrenaline. Cortisol. Your blood flow shifts. Your breathing changes. Your muscles tense up.

And here's the thing—this isn't weakness. This isn't you being "too sensitive" or unprofessional.

This is biology.

Your body is trying to protect you. It just doesn't realize that an uncomfortable conversation isn't the same thing as a lion chasing you.

The Real Problem

Now, conflict at work? That's normal. Inevitable, even.

Disagreements about scope, timelines, accountability, quality—that's just part of doing meaningful work with other human beings.

The problem isn't the conflict itself.

The problem is how long we stay in that activated state.

Because what happens to most of us?

We absorb the stress. We normalize the tension as "just part of the job." We stay alert, keyed up, ready for the next thing to go wrong.

And we carry that tension—not just through the meeting, not just through the day—but into the evening, into the next morning, into the next week.

Over time, this becomes burnout. Chronic anxiety. Sleep problems. You lose your patience faster. Your clarity drops. You start reacting instead of responding.

I'm not trying to scare you. I'm trying to help you see what's happening so you can do something about it.

Because the goal here isn't to eliminate conflict.

The goal is to reduce the cost your body pays for it.

What You Can Actually Do About It

Let me give you three things you can start using today. Not theory. Practical tools.

First: Name what's happening.

The moment you feel your body reacting, just acknowledge it silently to yourself:

"My body thinks there's a threat right now."

That's it. You're not in danger. You're in disagreement.

Naming it helps shift your brain from emotional reactivity to rational awareness. It gives you back some control.

Second: Slow down your exhale.

I know this sounds simple, but stay with me.

A longer exhale signals safety to your nervous system. It literally tells your body, "We're okay. Stand down."

Try this: Breathe in for four seconds. Then exhale for six to eight seconds.

You can do this during a meeting. During a call. While reading an email. No one needs to know.

Just breathe a little slower. A little longer on the way out.

Third: Don't respond when you're still activated.

If your chest is tight, if your jaw is clenched, if you're feeling flooded—pause.

Draft the email, but don't send it yet. Step away from the conversation if you can. Give yourself ten minutes. An hour. Whatever you need.

Because when your body is activated, your response will reflect that.

And you already know this—you've sent messages you wish you could take back. You've said things in the heat of the moment that didn't represent your best thinking.

Clarity comes back when your physiology settles. Let it settle first.

One More Thing

After the conflict is over—after the meeting ends, after you hit send on that difficult email—don't just move on to the next thing.

Release the residual stress.

Walk for five minutes. Stretch. Change your physical position. Breathe deeply.

Your body is still holding that tension. If you don't release it, you're carrying it forward into the next hour of your day. Into your evening. Into your sleep.

Let it go.

You Don't Have to Be Unaffected

Here's what I want you to remember.

Strong leaders aren't people who don't feel stress.

They're people who've learned to regulate it.

They recognize that their body reacts before their mind catches up. They know that awareness creates choice. And they've built the skill of calming their nervous system so they can show up clear, grounded, and effective—even when things get tense.

You can be firm without being flooded.

You can hold your boundaries without holding onto tension.

You can disagree without it costing you your health.

And over time, that might be the difference between surviving your career and actually sustaining it.

So next time conflict shows up—and it will—remember: your body's trying to protect you. Thank it. Then help it settle.

You've got this.

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