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The Isolation Problem

Men don't talk about divorce. We especially don't talk about the brutal ones—the custody battles, the financial devastation, the discovery of infidelity. We handle it alone, make mistakes in isolation, and get destroyed in systems we don't understand. I watched myself do this. I'm now watching six other men do exactly the same thing.

The "Just Figure It Out" Trap

Four years of hell. That's what it took me to navigate my divorce. And I had advantages—25 years at IBM, deep analytics background, systems thinking hardwired into how I approach problems. Even with all that, I was drowning until I stopped trying to "tough it out" and started treating the chaos like a problem I could systematically solve.

From Chaos to System

I started with a calendar. Then Excel. Then Access. Eventually, I built Custody Mate—a platform to manage custody schedules, document issues, track payments, and create the evidence trail I needed. Not because I'm a developer, but because I needed order to survive, and I needed structure to protect my kids.

Here's what that system did: It gave me clarity when everything felt insane. It gave me documentation when memory wasn't enough. It gave me patterns when I couldn't see what was coming next. It protected me legally, financially, and emotionally—which meant I could protect my children. And ultimately, it helped ensure my ex-wife came out okay too, because when one parent has structure, everyone benefits.

The Hypothetical That Changes Everything

Imagine: You just landed your dream role—Canadian head of AI. You're excited, energized, ready to lead. You come home to share the news and find your wife in bed with your neighbor.

What happens to that AI strategy now? What happens to your leadership? Your productivity? Your ability to show up for your team?

Life doesn't pause for career milestones. Trauma doesn't respect professional boundaries. And yet we pretend men should just "handle it" while everything burns down around them.

Why Custody Mate Matters

I could spend my time talking about mainframes, cloud, AI strategy, service excellence—I have 25 years of expertise to draw from. But none of that expertise matters if the foundation is collapsing. If we don't address the foundational items—the thoughts, feelings, behaviors, the practical chaos of separation—then everything else fails.

Custody Mate isn't about making divorce easier. It's about giving men a system when they're in the worst moment of their lives. It's about breaking the silence around something that affects 35-45% of marriages. It's about showing that you can come through this intact—not by toughing it out alone, but by bringing structure to chaos.

I came out okay. My kids came out okay. My ex-wife came out okay.

That's what's possible when you stop navigating blind and start navigating with a system.

What this reframe does:

  1. Opens with the taboo directly - Names the silence, names the masculine isolation pattern
  2. Positions you as proof of concept - You're not selling a theory; you're sharing what saved you
  3. Makes the "why this matters professionally" case sharper - The hypothetical now serves the custody argument, not the other way around
  4. Ends with outcome, not features - Everyone came out okay because there was structure

Does this hit closer to what you're trying to convey?

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